so lately I've been feeling totally Down
everything I planned for is going the other way, or not even moving
things I thought would happen by itself didn't & thing I worked my ass off all year long to make it happen, didn't either
I've been thinking of death & the afterlife
been watching more horror & praying for pleasant nightmares before falling asleep
horror movies & nightmares cheer me up, they make me think *It Could Be Worse*
so I've had all kinds of anxiety dreams the last few months
I've woke up crying twice & woke up feeling hurt from a fucked up dream I had about me eating my own flesh, that was the most awkward dream I had since a long, very long while
I woke up & when I got back to sleep I had the same exact dream again
except that when I woke up the 2nd time, I actually felt the pain in the spot I was eating from for less than a minute, that was ... well.. I might like it a bit, new experinces are always fun lol
but truth be told It was disturbing & creepy
I also spent more time on Crying lately, seriously, never thought I'd reach this point lol
I almost heard a voice in my head saying *nock it off Emo* Almost ...
I just don't want to go on anymore, I know I'm gonna sound like a cunt but seriously.. I can't
it's really funny how much troublence one person can make in your life ..
it's really funny you can never play ticks on your mind.. I want to be one of those people who settle for shit, But I can't.. I don't have those genes, I wish I do
I wish I could just tell my mind "life is fine" and live on
was I've Homer Simpson's or Petter Griffin's brain lol
I need a change in my life, I need a life of my choice
I'm not that typical dutiful girl next door, I can't live the life my family chose anymore
it's just not right, it's not mine
I need to change the community I live in, the faces I see, the opinions I hear
I want to regret things I made not things I wish I'd made
not things I made because I was expected to or asked to
I need a "Get Away" for a year.. or more, or less ..
there's so much about me still unknown by me
the little things in life as many would describe it, make my daily living unpleasant & a struggle ..
I'm not depressed
I'm simply sick of living & putting up with constant struggle which my life is ..
I'm simply sick of it
" I wanna cry Until the end of Time" Sara bareilles
hope someone enjoyed reading this lol, I kinda needed to get that out of my head & OFF my chest.
