society *frown Face*

I loathe the way people are classified to ‘normal’ and ‘weird’. Because, really, is there actually normal and weird? Can you honestly class someone as weird because they say no to the things you put up with, If somebody's 22, and hasn’t been to college yet. they’re classes as ‘weird’. But why?  Maybe they just don’t get the chance because of the society that places people into these kind of statuses. maybe they don't have the financial aid or they're Just not as lucky as your ass. Stop calling people ‘freaks’ because they listen to something other than pop hits and wear something different to some European brand and a Fendi bag. And when you see people behaving crazy ... don’t judge them, because they’re having a much better time not worrying how people see them and they are enjoying themselves for who they are. just Stop looking at people and thinking they’re different in a bad way, admire them for wanting to be individual. Everyone is neither normal nor weird, Society is bullshit.

Free*DOOM*

Hey! I'm 21 now can I pretty please join the 3 days in dubai trip? No.

in the society I live it, freedom is a privilege, when freedom is a privilege there are rules and wherever rules are freedom doesn't seem to own it's fair space.

feeling narrowed is ugly, monstrous , it messes my your head all day long, I feel a chain surrounding my brain and it gets tighter as my eager for a freewill grows. 

we can't say we're free here, we can say we've spaces though and it differs from one to another. it goes bigger or shrinks due to your luck. and that's just catastrophic! freedom is a basic right. god created us with a free will, god made heaven and hell. not just heaven because he made us to choose. this is our mission. to choose. and we shall choose. if we're born with the capability of choosing heaven or hell for eternity why can't we choose where to spend a holiday. how ironically stupid is this? 

Heart matters

My dad has been getting in and out of hospital recently, the doctor gave him almost triple the pills but still we aren't seeing any change. he coughs a lot, breaths heavily, appetite loss, sometimes he thinks I don't notice but he strikes his heart as if he's begging it to function, last time he checked in ER was 2 weeks ago he was so shattered, never seen him like that, not even when he had his first heart attack. he told mom that he's dying and wants all with him, there was no one at the time but mom, my sister & I. And when mom & sis left the room to talk with the doctor he started telling me how strong I'm & said so I heard you're going to NYC next holiday.. bla bla bla "you can handle your life all alone...you're smart' " you're about to start a job" "if the salary pays well where will you be traveling to?" He's was basically you've a good life hold on to it! WTH? it was as if he's preparing me. I'd just smile to most of his Q's or nod whatever, he was never like that, we don't even talk much, actually we only talk when I want something lol. despite the heavy breath he's still breathing since then. lately, I've been having those disturbing dreams of him getting so sick, my instincts aren't sending me positive signs, wish they wouldn't send at all. I can't picture a life without him, I don't want to, I've been praying to god to take my soul first. I want to die before my family, if the heart thingie runs in the family I definitely am who have the weakest heart. I don't like writing personal stuff, but i somehow felt like writing all this lol, however, wish it all goes just fine, Wish when I read this 5 years from now I'd smile thinking how much I exaggerated. 

being someone's soul mate doesn't mean wanting the exact same things and walking the same life's path, and everything in your lives' must be completely symmetrical, it means you will be there for each other despite the dissimilar lives you lead. 

I believe the purest most sincere love is the one found amongst differences, we find the more and what we are ready to give up on to protect our love shell is a real indicator of love strength, I'd love to break into that battle with someone someday.. I love Differences, I dare obstacles! I'd like to prove them wrong and weak, to me love simply means that! a constant proof. a challenge. because the greatest things are the hardest to create.

I can't be someone's soul mate if they keep bugging about how the differences bother them. it's like being bothered of not being born with exact same genes as mine! We aren't meant to be identical we're only meant to have those identical kind of feelings towards each other. 

conclusion is; even if we aren't talking much, in a distance relationship or strongly disagree about some major aspects, we'll still have that special feeling, that we're connected. until this feeling fades we'd still be soulmates.

done w/College

I Graduated .. and I have no clue how new grads should feel so I chose being emotionless, and .. throw a grad party with me friends .. and now that I'm having obstructions-Free thoughts about it, YESSSSS I'm so happy I'm done with that shithollege.


“I’m at the point in my life where I’m so tired, depressed, and lonely that I just don’t care anymore. I’m so tired I can’t even kill myself. I’m too afraid. I will just sit here until I die of a heart attack or radiation from my computer screen.”

—

J. Stile

.

is it normal to be terrified of your own mind ?

so lately I've been feeling totally Down

everything I planned for is going the other way, or not even moving

things I thought would happen by itself didn't & thing I worked my ass off all year long to make it happen, didn't either

I've been thinking of death & the afterlife

been watching more horror & praying for pleasant nightmares before falling asleep

horror movies & nightmares cheer me up, they make me think *It Could Be Worse*

so I've had all kinds of anxiety dreams the last few months

I've woke up crying twice & woke up feeling hurt from a fucked up dream I had about me eating my own flesh, that was the most awkward dream I had since a long, very long while

I woke up & when I got back to sleep I had the same exact dream again

except that when I woke up the 2nd time, I actually felt the pain in the spot I was eating from for less than a minute, that was ... well.. I might like it a bit, new experinces are always fun lol

but truth be told It was disturbing & creepy

I also spent more time on Crying lately, seriously, never thought I'd reach this point lol

I almost heard a voice in my head saying *nock it off Emo* Almost ...

I just don't want to go on anymore, I know I'm gonna sound like a cunt but seriously.. I can't

it's really funny how much troublence one person can make in your life ..

it's really funny you can never play ticks on your mind.. I want to be one of those people who settle for shit, But I can't.. I don't have those genes, I wish I do 

I wish I could just tell my mind "life is fine" and live on

was I've Homer Simpson's or Petter Griffin's brain lol

I need a change in my life, I need a life of my choice

I'm not that typical dutiful girl next door, I can't live the life my family chose anymore

it's just not right, it's not mine

I need to change the community I live in, the faces I see, the opinions I hear

I want to regret things I made not things I wish I'd made

not things I made because I was expected to or asked to

I need a "Get Away" for a year.. or more, or less .. 

there's so much about me still unknown by me

the little things in life as many would describe it, make my daily living unpleasant & a struggle ..

I'm not depressed

I'm simply sick of living & putting up with constant struggle which my life is ..

I'm simply sick of it

" I wanna cry Until the end of Time" Sara bareilles

hope someone enjoyed reading this lol, I kinda needed to get that out of my head & OFF my chest.

planet of the faggotery

Living a life that has been lived a million hundred times already, WHY ? because it's the right thing to do

It's The Tradition .. ?

Why would God give me a brain if I was to adapt the society views & life style ?

why don't they just Cut off our heads & take the brain outta there before the realization begins and save us all this tragedy ..like in "the apes world" where humans live happily ignorant, or is it a part of the package to have an ungrateful children & all the ups and downs that give the parenthood a taste or reality ~

oh, am I already brainless? it that why I sound like a 15 yrs old?  *Just Wondering*

I'm seriously wondering loll

"Take your stinking hands off me, you damn dirty human!" #Attars