My dad has been getting in and out of hospital recently, the doctor gave him almost triple the pills but still we aren't seeing any change. he coughs a lot, breaths heavily, appetite loss, sometimes he thinks I don't notice but he strikes his heart as if he's begging it to function, last time he checked in ER was 2 weeks ago he was so shattered, never seen him like that, not even when he had his first heart attack. he told mom that he's dying and wants all with him, there was no one at the time but mom, my sister & I. And when mom & sis left the room to talk with the doctor he started telling me how strong I'm & said so I heard you're going to NYC next holiday.. bla bla bla "you can handle your life all alone...you're smart' " you're about to start a job" "if the salary pays well where will you be traveling to?" He's was basically you've a good life hold on to it! WTH? it was as if he's preparing me. I'd just smile to most of his Q's or nod whatever, he was never like that, we don't even talk much, actually we only talk when I want something lol. despite the heavy breath he's still breathing since then. lately, I've been having those disturbing dreams of him getting so sick, my instincts aren't sending me positive signs, wish they wouldn't send at all. I can't picture a life without him, I don't want to, I've been praying to god to take my soul first. I want to die before my family, if the heart thingie runs in the family I definitely am who have the weakest heart. I don't like writing personal stuff, but i somehow felt like writing all this lol, however, wish it all goes just fine, Wish when I read this 5 years from now I'd smile thinking how much I exaggerated.
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